Mach3Multisport.com

That's my new theory...anything good can happen. But, apparently, you have to work through all your crap to appreciate any of it. I know, I know, I'm crabby, but let me explain or work things out while you read, which ever way makes you feel comfortable.

I've been traveling a lot for work the last month or so...which is exhausting but exciting meeting new people, exploring new cities, etc. My company brings us all back to the home office once a year and basically wines and dines us for 4 days. Spouses are invited and they have activities they can go to while we are in our motivational seminars and meetings and then at night we all get together for dinners, parties, etc. It was wonderful but it also gave me a moment or two of pain while I explained that I was a widow to people who asked why my husband didn't come along. I'm accustomed to the head tilt and the ohcrap look they get in their eye...it's okay. I spend the rest of the time trying to make them feel better and then I think how I wish Jon was  there...we would have had so much fun. And then the loop starts...why did he die anyway and why hasn't anyone found a cure for that stupid disease and I don't want to be alone anymore but for crying out loud I don't want to meet anyone either...why did Jon have to die? 

So move to this week and I'm at another work seminar and the speaker is talking about people that have gone through trama and how when they can function again and are mostly back to normal they stop therapy and live in a nice little bubble where nothing really happens. And they stay there but have a faint notion that maybe they aren't as fully healed as they thought but hey, they're up and dressed most days, they see people in controlled situations, but really, they're hiding.

And I wonder if my picture is in the book he's referring to because he's talking about me.

Crap.

On my morning runs I tell myself I can do this...I can work through the rest of this stuff. In the pool I tell myself I'm stronger than I think I am and I can get through it. On my bike trainor I remind myself that God will bring me through whatever is on my plate.

I want to be strong again...internally strong...not feeling like my insides have been beaten to a pulp. I want to move to another city. I want to take on new things. I want to risk again. I want to (gulp) meet someone and have a wonderful relationship that isn't torn apart by an incipid disease that affects your brain and personality while decimating your muscles.

But that's point C. And I'm at point A. And I have to go through point B to get to point C. And point B scares me. 

So, here I go.

Anything good can happen.

Anything really good can happen!

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